Saturday was an especially hard day for me. I spent the entire day at home -and mostly alone at home. Being home, there’s a lot here to remind me of my cats that are now gone. Places where they used to sleep, spots on the couch where I would sit to watch TV and they’d be next to me or up by my head and purr. Working in the office where Snowy would always have to be sitting on top of my monitor enjoying the warmth and my company… I cried all day…
I suppose I’d been holding it in most of this past week just to get by, I guess much of what’s happened didn’t hit me until then, maybe I didn’t want to let it out until I was alone. It’s even possible that I just didn’t want to feel this sadness -so I avoided it. But this past Saturday, there was no escaping it. Nowhere to hide -and no need.
I think it was a necessary time of emotional “purging” for me. I don’t think my mourning is over but I do think it may be downhill from here. I’m starting to realize all the new freedoms we can now experience like no longer needing a litter box since Weasel usually preferred to use the outside for his “business”. I don’t have to close the door to my office any longer in fear that the little ones would come in and spray and poop all over the place (as they had in the past). We won’t need to vacuum the house as often as there is a lot less cat hair being shed…
But I’d gladly put up with the hassles again just to have them back around me. Strangely, I no longer want an uncomplicated, hassle-free life; I want my kids back…