Well another weekend has gone by without any hope of catching up on my sleep. I am realizing that I just don’t know how to say “no” anymore. I agree to just about anything people want from me and I don’t relize how it’s hurting my health and my family. I think that my wife is just pushing me waiting for me to get up the will to say “no” to her requests for things on the weekends. We just do too much and I never get to relax -even for a short time- on the weekend. It’s not like she’d be upset or anything if I just put my foot down but I simply hate denying her anything I possible could provide for her. I’m seeing that this isn’t always the best thing for us though. Even she realizes that I need to be more in control of the family and the decisions made. In some ways, i don’t like it because it means that I have to finally grow up and act mature! I know that this may very well be our last few years without kids and we both want to “live it up” while we have the freedom but I think it’s getting a bit too costly on us. I nearly decided not to go to work today just to get some decent rest!
We leave for Hawaii this Friday afternoon. I’ve got soooo much work to get done before that that I just don’t know how I’m going to do it. Looks like more of the same for me. At least I’ll sleep well on the plane ride out!
I am also seeing just how much I think God is telling me that working 9-5 and commuting just isn’t for me. I don’t have the freedom to do things during the day, ect. I can remember when I had only been a working professional for around 4 years when I got a 2-month leave of absence (long story but I still got paid). Eventhough I had done nothing wrong and wasn’t going to lose my job or anything, just being home on a Tuesday at 11am just felt “wrong”. It’s like knowing that the sun is in a certain place in the sky indicates that I should be at work and behind a desk. Well I don’t like that anymore and don’t want that for my life anymore. So it’s time to steap up the heat and start working to get out of this rat race for good. I’m going to pursue other work avenues more aggressively and more seriously. I am also going to pray more about this -who know’s where it may lead!