Today I am 34. Can’t say I’m happy about it. How do I tryly feel about it? I feel “behind”. Now I know that there are a vast majority of people around me that would be quite happy to be where I’m at at this point but I can’t say I feel good about it today. Am I married? Yes. To an amazing woman that has somehow survived my craziness for the past 6 years and still managed to make me a better man. Do I have a career? Yes. Eventhough I’ve managed to lose my job just about every year of our marriage, I’ve always found a way to put food on the table and keep a roof over our heads and a car to drive. That’s not too shabby by most accounts. But I am still not a father. I am getting older and I don’t like the idea of being an “old dad”. Financially, I am still living paycheck to paycheck. I have no savings to speak of, and not much hope of having any in the near future. I hate living like this when I start thinking about it too much. We’re one small disaster away from ruin! Car problems, health problems, ect.. We’d be in serious trouble.
Now to be honest, I don’t feel like this that often. Most of the time I’m quite content to be where I’m at in my life. I DO have hope. I am working on starting my own business and would probably rather not willingly bring kids into the mix during this potentially difficult time. I am meeting with a retirement planner tomorrow to begin thinking about my long-term future for once! I know that I have a lot of blessings and “potential” in my life, but I just look back on the past 10 years and feel like I’ve wasted so much of it doing very little. I’m sure there is a reason why the times and places are as they are but I still regret not being serious about taking more control of my life back then. Can’t say I’d be in anyplace differently -or how happy I’d be though.
Anyway, right or wrong, that’s how I’m feeling today.